David Flatman Column: Cough up and maybe you could fight Danny Grewcock!
As far as I know, what we now call a sportsperson’s testimonial doesn’t much resemble the testimonial of yesteryear.
In the olden days, footballers would take part in a game staged in their honour after years of loyal service to the badge. They would invite players past and present, and the game would be played with an accommodating spirit. Fans would flock to watch old take on new and, of course, to say goodbye to the tired old hero. With the match done, said veteran would receive the gate receipts - a gesture designed to smooth the transition into the real world.
Things are different now. Testimonials are no longer a single match; they generally consist of a series of events spread apart over the course of a year, and they are big business. Or, at least, they were.
Believe it or not, I am in the midst of my own testimonial year, and it’s a complicated affair. With financial controls (rightly) tightening around luxuries such as hospitality, city types can no longer just expense tables for thousands of pounds. With things unlikely to slacken up any time soon, I can honestly see the testimonial year dying out.
While it survives, though, it does so as a charitable pursuit - so a chairman assembles a committee to run the events on behalf of the player and their chosen charities. Many a committee has flogged the concept in the past, but mine will not. We have three events, and this is primarily because they cringe at the thought of the same attendees - and, therefore, contributors - being effectively rinsed in my name.
Key to success is to support charities that actually mean something to you, and to think of original events. My beloved little brother has Down’s Syndrome, so I will support the Down’s Syndrome Association after all they have given him over the years. A close friend who also happens to be the man who saved my rugby career - twice - helps a charity called The Burned Children’s Club, which does incredible stuff with kids whose lives have been all but destroyed by fire. Google them, and you will cry at your desk. And Help for Heroes will get my support, for obvious reasons. Many of the injured soldiers I’ve met through rugby rank among the most inspirational characters I have encountered. They are all, in their own ways, national treasures.
As for the events, the next big one is in October in London, and it’s a punch-up. Danny Grewcock, English rugby’s most violent man (and also my best mate), will fight Justin Harrison, the Australian lock forward most famous for being called ‘Plank’ by Austin Healey. Oh, and Austin will be Danny’s cornerman, naturally. Frankly, whether it’s my testimonial or not, I need to see that.
But why are they fighting? Because they’re good blokes who are willing to put themselves on the line for these amazing charities, all of whom need our help.
Feel free to lend your support. And, if you have a few on the night and fancy it, I’m sure we can arrange a couple of rounds with Grewcock for the right price…
For information, go to