Fulham unveil Michael Jackson statue as their new manager

Fulham have named an Off The Wall replacement for departed manager Mark Hughes… a statue of Michael Jackson!

Following Hughes' decision to quit Craven Cottage, Fulham chairman Mohamed Al Fayed has installed the plastic-looking statue as manager with immediate effect.

"I wanna be startin' somethin'," said Al Fayed at a press conference to announce Wacko Jacko's arrival in the Craven Cottage hot seat. "Starting with the man in the mirror. If Fulham fans don't appreciate such a gift they can go to hell! Or Beat It."

Fulham regulars, however, aren't so sure the inanimate figure is the man/statue for the job. "This is a Bad appointment," said Hugh Grant, while bumbling his words in an endearingly British way, before jumping on the back of a red double decker bus for the benefit of American cinema-goers.

"It does matter if you're black or white," said Lily Allen, making a reference to Fulham's club colours while crying over the Europa League final defeat in 2010. "Unlike Mark Hughes, the Jacko statue isn't going to walk out on us."

Al Fayed would neither confirm nor deny rumours that the new Fulham gaffer plans to play the Johnny Haynes statue alongside Danny Murphy in midfield next season.