Steve Kean’s 2015: Champions League football at Ewood, Sepp Blatter statues and hair transplants on the NHS
Blackburn Rovers boss Steve Kean has claimed that the club can achieve top four status and Champions League football by 2015. Despite narrowly avoiding relegation last season and signing no one this summer, the bookies favourite for the chop is in confident mood ahead of his first full season as a football manager, so talkSPORT delved into his mind* to determine what else might be going on in 2015…
IN 2015… SCOTLAND WILL BE REIGNING EUROPEAN AND WORLD CHAMPIONS
Trailing Spain and the Czech Republic in Euro 2012 Group I qualifying, the Tartan Army's chances of appearing at the European Championships are beginning to take a familiar route. Jim Leighton was still their goalkeeper when they last qualified in 1996, but Steve Kean - a proud Glaswegian - would no doubt foresee a dramatic change in fortune. Scotland will go on to top their qualifying group, demolishing World and European champions Spain at the Bernabeu en route to glory in the finals (where England lose all three games). Buoyed by Euro triumph, Scotland head to Brazil where they spank England 5-0 in the first round, while Blackburn's rookie defender Grant Hanley will become the first man since Geoff Hurst to score a hat-trick in a World Cup final, as the Scots stun hosts Brazil. Steve Kean, of course, will be the tactical mastermind behind Scotland's glory.
IN 2015… HAIR TRANSPLANTS WILL BE AVAILABLE ON THE NHS
The power of Keano's positive thinking alone may not be able to restore his hair to its former glories, but – thanks to Wayne Rooney's high-profile hair transplant – the NHS will be persuaded to offer the op to all. Bucking the trend for public sector budget cuts, this controversial move will allow Steve to model his locks on the blond mullet of former Blackburn and Scotland captain Colin Hendry, a player whose volume he's always envied and admired.
IN 2015… STEVE KEAN WILL STILL BE MANAGER OF BLACKBURN ROVERS
If the prospect of Champions League football at Ewood Park in 2015 is surprising, then brace yourselves for this startling revelation: Steve Kean predicts Steve Kean will still be in charge of Rovers. The bookies' favourite to land an early p45 this season is confident of keeping Christopher Samba at the club, despite losing Phil Jones to Man United and no doubt boosted by the signing of… er, no one as yet. None of that matters, however, when you've got Keith Andrews in midfield.
IN 2015… THE FA WILL ERECT A STATUE OF SEPP BLATTER OUTSIDE WEMBLEY STADIUM
The unopposed winner of a farcical 2011 FIFA presidential election, slippery Swiss OAP Sepp Blatter will retire from the lucrative world of football administration in 2015 and, according to Steve Kean, the FA will erect a tribute Michael Jackson-style statue of SB outside Wembley Stadium.
*We didn't tap any phones for this, we just made it up.
Where do you think Blackburn are more likely to be in 2015: playing Champions League football or plying their trade in the Championship? Have your say by leaving a comment below...