Welcome back, Ian Holloway! 10 of the Crystal Palace manager’s funniest quotes

Aside from the joy it will bring to their supporters, Crystal Palace's promotion to the Premier League is also a good thing for the neutrals, as it means we finally get to see Ian Holloway on a weekly basis again. The Palace manager is known for his unique sense of humour and timeless one-liners, so with that in mind, talkSPORT look back on 10 of his funniest quotes, with topics ranging from Cristiano Ronaldo to Glenn Hoddle...

“To put it in gentleman's terms, if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady, and you pull one, some weeks they're good looking and some weeks they're not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird, but at least we got her in the taxi. She wasn't the best looking lady we ended up taking home, but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much, let's have a coffee.”
- One of Holloway's most famous quotes on winning ugly

“In the first half we were like the Dog and Duck, in the second half we were like Real Madrid. At full time I was at them like an irritated Jack Russell.”
- Inconsistency doesn't sit well with Ollie

“If you're a burglar, it's no good poncing about outside somebody's house, looking good, with your swag bag ready. Just get in there, burgle them, and come out. I don't advocate that obviously, it's just an analogy...”
- Nor does he like good football for the sake of it

“People say I've lost the dressing room... it's down the corridor to the left!.”
- Squad morale isn't an issue for Holloway

"Question: I'm too young to have seen you play, but my dad says you weren't all that. How would you describe yourself as a player, honestly?
Answer: Your dad may think I wasn't all that, but that's not what your mum thinks! I've said it before, players like Glenn Hoddle sit down and play the piano, but without someone carrying the piano on and putting the stool down, they wouldn't be able to play. In other words, you need workers, and I was a worker who played for the team.”
- Holloway responds to a Four Four Two reader

“The January transfer window is an absolute living nightmare. I don't see who benefits at all. When my wife's shopping, we need some milk and bread on a regular basis. We can't but it all at the start and then wait until January, because it would go off!”
- The Palace gaffer doesn't like January

“My lot are the ugliest team ever to have worn the blue and white hoops – we certainly don't sell many calendars. In my playing days we had some right good looking bastards, but this lot are the worst I've ever seen. They all look like dogs.”
- On his QPR team

“After the game, we're walking off the pitch. We've just won 2-1, the ref's given us a goal that was blatantly offside, so I'm absolute elated. Neil Warnock, the Sheffield United manager, is going ballistic. Anyhow, I'm shouting at Neil, as we walk off: 'I always supported you, but now I see I was wrong. Everybody else in football is right, you are a twat'.”
- Neil Warnock rubbed him the wrong way

“It's still in my body and I'll have to pass it some time, but my passing's absolutely diabolical. That's what I told the doctor: what chance have I got of passing anything, did you see me play?"
- On a doctor's advice following a bout of kidney stones.

“He's six foot something, fit as a flea, good looking – he's got to have something wrong with him. Hopefully he's hung like a hamster – that would make us all feel better. Having said that, my missus has a pet hamster at home, and his cock's massive.”
- On Cristiano Ronaldo

Are you looking forward to having Ian Holloway back in the Premier League? Funny quotes aside, how do you rate him as a manager? Let us know below...

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