Premier League review: Liverpool could win two titles in a season, Man City face fallout, Jose Mourinho pulls his hair out, and Nicolas Pepe arrives
Getting dumped on Valentine’s Day is always going to hurt, isn’t it? Especially when it’s by someone you’ve been chasing for years and spent goodness knows how much on trying to impress them.
I think the poem doing the rounds on social media channels come Friday night summed it up far better than I can in this column;
"Roses are red
"Violets are blue
"No Champions League football
"Until 2022."
And they say romantic poetry is dead?
If I was worried about this week of football still being somewhat quiet due to the Winter Break Part II then UEFA’s announcement soon took care of that.
fined the cost of a reserve team full-back and kicked out of the Champions League for two years. Boom.
The rest of Europe seemed to react with a sense of ‘well, what took you so long?’ given the rumours of City massaging the sponsorship accounts to balance the books have been floating around for a couple of seasons.
English football fans? Well, they reacted with the class and intelligence that you would expect from the finest followers of United, Liverpool, Arsenal etc.
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Put aside the obvious fact that City will appeal this decision - fifth place gets a Champions League place in next season’s competition which has got quite a few clubs a bit excited.
Spurs, Chelsea and United suddenly feel like it’s a little more likely. Sheffield United, Wolves, Everton have a dream.
Crazily, even Arsenal think there is a chance to get back to the top table of European football - lads, it’s fifth place that gets the spot not eighth.
However, being realistic about all of this - we all know that there will be a documentary out in 25 years time looking back at the 2019/20 season as the one where Sheffield United nearly qualified for the Champions League, only for City to appeal and get the whole thing kicked out of court.
The Blades fail to recover and get relegated the following season. 20/1 for anyone who is that way inclined.
What could all this mean for Peppy G and his lot?
He’s not going to stick around, is he? What if the Premier League feel compelled to kick the state-funded football club whilst it’s rolling around on the floor?
Anything from a points deduction to being demoted to League Two has been suggested.
Imagine if City start next season with a ten-point deduction or something, though. Kevin De Bruyne can’t get enough assists to sort that out.
An even crazier rumour starting to do the rounds was that the Premier League might end up stripping City of their 2013/14 title if they look at the retrospective situation of the alleged financial doping.
Who came second that season? You got it, Liverpool - meaning that those who are struggling to come up with a suitable plan of handling the Scouse fans when they finally win the title might now have to cope with the fact they win two in the same season.
And what about Stevie G if they do get given it? Can he sue for defamation given all the chants around slipping? Whole pub debates will have to be rewritten about the best player never to win the title and all that rubbish.
Brendan Rodgers' ego will go to new levels. I don’t think any of us are ready for the true implications of City’s alleged cheating.
King Kloppo admitted he was ‘shocked’ by the news, but not quite as shocked as he was when adding up the total points his side now lead the Premier League by.
So, 25 points is now the gap following dogged 1-0 win at Norwich City. 25 points.
Everyone other than City and Leicester are nearer the bottom of the league than they are the top. But you know, the Premier League is the most exciting in the world and all that.
Sadio Mane got off the bench to get the winner, prompting Jeff Stelling to engage in some prime-time baiting of Phil Thompson on that Saturday TV show. You’re right, Jeff. 25 points does smack of good fortune, eh?
Southampton and Burnley did their best to put on a football match in the face of this week’s storm, Storm Dennis.
Granted, it’s hard enough at the best of times to suggest anything Burnley do represents football, but they did take the lead direct from a corner that is the first time the Premier League have had to award the assist to a gust of wind.
If Jose Mourinho’s new haircut was done with a view to his team learning how to defend, it failed - miserably.
For a manager that prides himself on the defensive side of the game, it must leave him pulling out what is left as his team find new ways to ship them.
Still, Mourinho did assure us he was a new man and seeing his team always having to score two or more to at least not lose does provide some entertainment.
As for Villa, you have to applaud their commitment to finding new and different methods of losing matches.
If you watched the new Newcastle right-back, Valentino Lazaro, you’d have quickly learned why Antonio Conte was very keen to get both Ashley Young and Victor Moses out of retirement to join his Serie A chasing Inter side.
Lazaro seemed to get shorter as he ‘jumped’ to challenge Yo-Pierre for Arsenal’s first at the Emirates, before getting done by the most obvious nutmeg of the season, courtesy of young Bukayo Saka who went on to set up Nicolas Pepe.
On the subject of dodgy Magpies, I keep hearing how Dubravka is the best goalkeeper on Tyneside since Shaka Hislop, yet every time I watch him he seems to let in a clanger. Maybe it’s me. Or maybe he just isn’t that good.
Things couldn’t have gone any better for - Mesut Ozil scored, Alexandre Lacazette finally ended his drought and they managed to keep a clean sheet with both Shkodran Mustafi and David Luiz in the team. Maybe they can get 5th? Hey, I only said maybe...
