Shock England report: the truth about how Capello picked his captain?
1. Have they been arrested since becoming a footballer? (-5 for a clean record, +5 for an arrest)
Rio Ferdinand
Stopped the morning after a big night in 1997 and arrested on suspicion of drink driving. Later banned from the wheel for a year. Five points on his Capello license. +5
John Terry
Arrested and charged but later cleared of assault and affray in 2002 after his alleged involvement in an attack on a male receptionist while celebrating the birth of Jodi Morris' first kid. A solid start from JT. +5
Steven Gerrard
Charged with ABH and affray along with two others in 2008 when a Southport DJ is left with broken teeth and cuts to his forehead after a fight in a bar. Cleared of ABH, Gerrard pleads not-guilty to affray on the grounds of self-defence and is cleared again. These English lions have a lot of fight in them. +5
Wayne Rooney
Questioned under caution following allegations of spitting at a photographer, but never arrested and does himself no favours as a result. -5
Jack Wilshere
Arrested and later cautioned over an incident last year which leaves a man with minor facial injuries and a woman with a suspected broken arm. Had it been a broken metatarsal, young Jack could have scored very highly in this round. +5
Ashley Cole
Arrested, held for three hours and fined £80 in March 2009 for being drunk and disorderly as he leaves a west London nightclub. Rumours he gazed enviously at an officer's gun remain unconfirmed. +5
2. How many times have they been sent off? (-5 for a clean record, +5 for every dismissal)
Rio Ferdinand
Just one sending off against Bolton in 2006 during a career spanning some fifteen years, this could prove to be costly as Rio can only double his score. +10
John Terry
JT storms into the lead with four red cards after dismissals against Man City and Everton in 2008, sandwiched between two at White Hart Lane in 2006 and 2010. Now this is more like it from someone hoping to captain his country. +25
Steven Gerrard
With six early baths in his Liverpool career, including two against Everton and one in the FA Cup at Old Trafford, Gerrard proves he can't handle the heat on the big occasions, even more so than John Terry. Stevie G... take a bow. +35
Wayne Rooney
Wazza's off the mark with four Reds at the highest level - one in the Champions League and another in the league for United, one in the World Cup for England and his first back in 2002 in the league for Everton. All four ended in defeat for his team, pushing his score up by 20 for being such a bad loser. +15
Jack Wilshere
A tough category for a youngster with less than three seasons under his belt, but Jack still adds another five points to his total with a solitary red against Birmingham last year. +10
Ashley Cole
A respectable tally of three for Cashley, who disappointingly seems to have calmed down on the pitch in recent years, despite his best efforts off the field. +20
Scores heading into the deciding third round:
Steven Gerrard +35
John Terry +25
Ashley Cole +20
Wayne Rooney +15
Jack Wilshere and Rio Ferdinand, tied on +10
3. Recognition for outstanding contribution to English 'sport'. (Gold, silver and bronze awards, with points decided at the manager's discretion)
Ashley Cole (bronze)
With his six million quid a year FA contract, Fabio would surely commend Cole for his "They're taking the p*ss!" Arsenal contract comments, while he can't fail to have been impressed by his communication skills, particularly with a mobile phone. It's his shooting skills that clinch Ashley this special bronze gong, thanks to the defender's pin-point accuracy with an air rifle at Chelsea's Cobham training ground. An extra 50 points are due, as we remember how various Premier League managers reacted to Cole's deadly accuracy...
Rio Ferdinand (silver)
Such a variety to choose from for Mr Capello: a sex tape and various forms of 'merking' to name just two, but he opts to focus on this stunning performance from Rio at a popular tapas bar, for which he awards 60 points...
John Terry (gold)
Despite stripping Chelsea's defensive rock of the captaincy for 12 months, Capello can't fail to admire the way his first captain finally put an end to Wayne Bridge's England career, while simultaneously keeping his stamina up. A golden 69 points are awarded by Don Fabio, as we leave you with JT's first interview after the scandal broke...
Final Table:
John Terry +94
Rio Ferdinand and Ashley Cole +70
Steven Gerrard + 35
Wayne Rooney +15
Jack Wilshere +10
Fabio Capello reinstates John Terry as England captain.